Where I reveal the love of my life— and no it’s not a person.

So along with being a tech entrepreneur and a feminist blogger, right now stand up paddling (and surfing when I can) has been a big part of my life this summer. Before NYC, I was living in Hawai`i. I moved out there after visiting a friend’s wedding and told the beach boys at Waikiki that I would be back. They were like, yea, they heard that one before. But sure enough 3 months later I was back. With two and a half pieces of luggage and my bicycle in a box. And then an abusive boyfriend and 6 moves and 11 months later I finally got my own car and own apartment. Well with roommates. I had a supportive female landlord who was a lawyer and had left an abusive relationship herself previously. (She explained to me about temporary restraining orders and the importance of documenting everything— the time and contents of his stalking phone calls and hate voicemails— though I never filed a TRO because that was my worst fear was to see him, you would see each other in court.)

My second year I surfed by day and waitressed by night. Waitressing wasn’t easy. There were catty white girls from states I never been to and drunk army guys who don’t tip worth their trouble. Then there were ‘friends’ like _____ who painted me a surfer and my name on a single grain of rice and frequented prostitutes outside our bar. He was married. And fresh leis from customers during my shift late at night.

Surfing has been my constant love through all these times. And since leaving Hawai`i — I left because I do have non-surfing goals and I was having too much difficulty motivating myself beyond the daily surf— missing it still remains a constant ache inside of me. Which I have managed to suppress these years in NYC but recently has started to surface with every paddle and surf session.

I have a friend moving to Hawai`i soon and yes sure I’m jealous. A girlfriend who recently came back from Hawai`i (her first time— she said she thought of me the whole time, and didn’t realize there were ‘so many’ Asians there!) asked me so why don’t I move there? Well sure I could, I mean everything is online these days. Almost. Except for meeting people and ‘networking’ and while you’re building something, whether it’s tech or some kind of a community, it’s going to be easier in NYC on the mainland than in a beautiful tropical island in the middle of the ocean. Or maybe I just know I’d forget the urgency of my business—and even this blog— and just get caught up with waves and sunsets (and moonbows??), which is not the worst thing but also doesn’t build towards my goals, right now.

Still it doesn’t mean it doesn’t break my heart not being there. I really don’t know how else to explain it other than likening it to being in love with someone. Except it’s a place. But it’s the same thing. How it makes you feel. It makes me happy, to my core, and more consistently than any human being. Yes, experiences are better shared but it’s also important to know what makes you happy as an individual before or separate from being a couple. I know this is one thing I want in my life for the rest of my days.