Where I ponder the ‘purest’ reasons for liking someone…

I’ve liked a lot of different guys over the 10+ years. I’ve often thought if I lined them up you wouldn’t find a thread of similarity through them. I’ve been thinking lately what is it that makes us ‘like’ someone or think we like someone in the first place?

There are guys that at first I thought they weren’t my type when we met. For example, young, blonde, blue-eyed. But then he burst my stereotypes and was the sweetest blonde, blue-eyed 21 year-old I met. When I first moved to Hawai`i my ex was the first to show me around and I got to see the most beautiful places I’d ever seen in my life. So I fell in love with the island and him at the same time. I loved that we both loved and prioritized surfing.

But how do you know when you love someone for just who they are or for their interests? I always used to joke that the ex-BF and I had nothing in common. It would make friends laugh, but I was serious. And skills-wise it’s a great asset so we can bring completely different things to the table. But sometimes it definitely felt like we were clashing. I’d always rather be outdoors. He was glued to his computer. We did plenty of things together— we loved watching shows/films together and snuggling on the couch—and we could just have fun doing nothing. What I loved about him wasn’t his interests—in video games— it was who he is. Funny, silly, goofy, always ready and able to make me laugh, always trying hard to take care of me well.

I guess I’m just wondering if there are more or less legitimate reasons to like someone. If you only like the sex—that I have learned can get really irritating — especially if you spend any time together out of bed. Should you simply like someone for purely who they are and not what they can do for you? What if it’s a mix of both? And how do you separate who they are from what they can do or provide?