In my last post I wrote about the various reasons why sex might be painful as a woman. I wanted to talk more about a few of those reasons here.
1. Lack of moisture in the vagina
When we’re turned on we’re wet. When we’re not we’re dry. Simple as that, pretty much. Also when we’re nervous we might not be as wet. And I suspect during different times in our cycles we may get wetter, more easily, than others.
When we’re not wet then sex will be much more painful. We can use lubricant as an option (there are so many varieties and flavors to choose from) or you can have your partner go down on you. There is no reason, ever, to put up with excruciating or painful sex. Make sure you speak up when you feel even the slightest pain.
2. Genital fit with your partner’s penis
Every partner you’re with is going to feel different. Sometimes you might like when they’re bigger and sometimes it may feel too big. That’s how I’ve felt anyways. It all depends on how both of you fit together.
I know for myself, my vagina can stretch and shrink accordingly. But most of the time when there is no sexual activity then it seems to be quite small. I have had painful pap smears before simply because I was too tight or tense. Which I also know has often been due to stress.
At the same time, I know if I have sex a few times a week with a partner with a penis on the slightly bigger end then it can get stretched and stay that way. But the first few times will be slightly painful and sore. Since I know this I can prepare accordingly. I know that I may need more lube; that I will need to take it slow in the beginning. So either communicating that need with my partner, or make sure that I’m in control of the movement by being on top, for example, or both.
Yes, this is the technical term. The link above describes different internal pains in the abdominal area. It seems pretty insightful and a rare piece of wisdom. For myself, I have noticed if I have sex before I poo in the morning (my usual time) then it can hurt. Especially if the guy is bigger and penetrating hard. So I either make sure I poo first or else have sex with me on top. Many times men don’t realize how sensitive we are because their organs are the exact opposite and they’re simply unaware of how sex can affect us differently.
So it’s our job as women to remind them that our internal organs can get very sensitive to all of the banging around during sex. If you are experiencing pain, you need to speak up, tell him you need to do something different, or much more gently. I’ve found that usually most guys are more than ready to do as they’re told— they just need to be told. So don’t be shy. Tell ‘em!