Who Doesn’t Like Getting Attention From Men?

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Where I talk about why I love getting attention from men and how to instead start loving myself and my life.

 

I really like attention from men. Sure, you’ll hear me complain up and down about the torments of daily street harassment, but that doesn’t change the fact that I relish having admirers. It’s kind of embarrassing and not something I go around bragging about, but it’s true and I try to face uncomfortable truths here.

 

What I Love About Getting Attention From Men:

 

1. It’s like a high. It sends me reeling into la-la land where I can forget that I’m really lonely and feeling unloved inside.

 

2. I feel like they really love me— instead of just wanting to sleep with me. For a moment, I forget. I’m happy to forget.

 

3. I feel like they’re all I need to be happy. I forget about my own dreams, wants, and girlfriends. I forget about ‘me.’ I just want to be consumed in them.

 

4. I feel if I fulfill their fantasy then I feel wanted and that fills the void in my soul. Why is it always back to my childhood and my first dad? But I know it is. And I have used sex to replace love because that’s the easiest thing to do. It’s hard to find real love. It’s even harder to find someone that I love back. Fantasies, on the other hand, are way easier in comparison.

 

5. I feel pretty and wanted. I may be still making up for my teenage years where I felt like a totally unfashionable, awkward, dork. But also probably and more importantly, I feel unwanted due to feelings of abandonment by my first dad and that he cared about keeping my older brother more than keeping me.

 

So there you have it. Five completely irrational reasons waded in feelings of self-non-love of why I like attention from men. And I suspect I’m not the only one who feels this way. Media and Hollywood certainly don’t help with their images of the knight in shining armor coming to sweep us off our feet plastered throughout all romantic comedies and ads that tell us women are nothing without our better half.

 

Hope Springs with Meryl Streep and Your Sister’s Sister with Emily Blunt and ‘Midge’ from Mad Men, both recently in theaters, look really interesting but are also the same old themes of love, love, love. Men are allowed to have movies just about being stupid men—Ted, Magic Mike—or brave, exciting men—The Bourne Legacy, The Dark Knight Rises. But we women are usually delegated to romance only. Brave is a rare exception.

 

I want to do more and more things that remind me of how strong and brave I am like surfing and stand up paddling races. Or things that rejuvenate me like girlfriend time. Or me-dates like baking and taking myself on walks on the river. And always staying focused on my goals and dreams.

 

Questions: What habits do you indulge in that you know are not good for you? What do you do to try to keep yourself on track? 

 

Related Links:

Men and Wine: The Older The Better

Physical Attractiveness Does Not Automatically Mean They’re Nice

Why I Used to Prefer Sex With Strangers and Now Apparently Suck at it

  • Evan

    Hi Shiuan –

    Be compassionate with yourself. These seem “irrational” but in truth they are the most fundamental desires of all human beings, to be loved, accepted, and feel good enough as we are. It is an illusion if we think we feel this lack more than others around us. There is a reason the 4 noble truths in Buddhism are about suffering which is the most shared human experience, more than love, why the story of the garden of eden exists (kicked out of paradise after believing we are separate,). almost everyone feels this. Celebrities have committed suicide, top CEOs and political people are not immune and some of the most likely to go see a dominatrix and such because they feel they don’t deserve their success.

    These are so fundamental that they can be placed onto anything, it might be career success, if you had a different relationship with your father odds are good you’d still feel this but project it on to something else, if you were a man it might be affection from women. This is not to belittle any bad experiences, but to realize they are almost always not the ultimate reason for these feelings. Working with those wounds can be helpful but they are not the holy grail.

    If you start with accepting these feelings as natural and exploring them / giving them space to exist you might find quite a journey. This is different than assuming they are a problem or are specifically related to incidents and trying to work with them intellectually rather than from something deeper.

    Attention from men is a deceptive barometer. Of course you will enjoy attention from men, that’s not indicative that issues exist or not. I’ll always enjoy if a woman smiles at me or gives me attention. We are built to enjoy this because of the natural attraction between the sexes. That is how life perpetuates itself, it is something far beyond our concepts or what we think it means or how we’d like it to put. What you project onto it is another issue however, the issues of self-worth, etc. That’s good to look at but probably best not to assume that if you ‘fix’ something you will stop enjoying it, the enjoyment isn’t a problem. No more than thinking ice cream tastes good – it’s when you are addicted to it or have to eat the whole pint to cover a void that something else is at work, but ice cream itself is neutral and not a problem or an indication that something is wrong with you if enjoy it, of course you do!