I really like attention from men. Sure, you’ll hear me complain up and down about the torments of daily street harassment, but that doesn’t change the fact that I relish having admirers. It’s kind of embarrassing and not something I go around bragging about, but it’s true and I try to face uncomfortable truths here.
What I Love About Getting Attention From Men:
1. It’s like a high. It sends me reeling into la-la land where I can forget that I’m really lonely and feeling unloved inside.
2. I feel like they really love me— instead of just wanting to sleep with me. For a moment, I forget. I’m happy to forget.
3. I feel like they’re all I need to be happy. I forget about my own dreams, wants, and girlfriends. I forget about ‘me.’ I just want to be consumed in them.
4. I feel if I fulfill their fantasy then I feel wanted and that fills the void in my soul. Why is it always back to my childhood and my first dad? But I know it is. And I have used sex to replace love because that’s the easiest thing to do. It’s hard to find real love. It’s even harder to find someone that I love back. Fantasies, on the other hand, are way easier in comparison.
5. I feel pretty and wanted. I may be still making up for my teenage years where I felt like a totally unfashionable, awkward, dork. But also probably and more importantly, I feel unwanted due to feelings of abandonment by my first dad and that he cared about keeping my older brother more than keeping me.
So there you have it. Five completely irrational reasons waded in feelings of self-non-love of why I like attention from men. And I suspect I’m not the only one who feels this way. Media and Hollywood certainly don’t help with their images of the knight in shining armor coming to sweep us off our feet plastered throughout all romantic comedies and ads that tell us women are nothing without our better half.
Hope Springs with Meryl Streep and Your Sister’s Sister with Emily Blunt and ‘Midge’ from Mad Men, both recently in theaters, look really interesting but are also the same old themes of love, love, love. Men are allowed to have movies just about being stupid men—Ted, Magic Mike—or brave, exciting men—The Bourne Legacy, The Dark Knight Rises. But we women are usually delegated to romance only. Brave is a rare exception.
I want to do more and more things that remind me of how strong and brave I am like surfing and stand up paddling races. Or things that rejuvenate me like girlfriend time. Or me-dates like baking and taking myself on walks on the river. And always staying focused on my goals and dreams.
Questions: What habits do you indulge in that you know are not good for you? What do you do to try to keep yourself on track?