The more I date the less I feel that I know. OK, I don’t think I actually know less than before. But the more I date the more I realize that there is so much more that I don’t know that I might as well know less. If that makes sense.
Or, things that I thought I knew and learned from I ended up not really knowing, or there were other finite specific differences which changed the situation altogether and so I still ended up making the same or similar mistakes.
For example, I dated a terribly abusive guy in Hawai’i. Which is all spelled out in my book, the Manifesto. I was sure after that that I learned never to date an asshole again. But no I still ended up dating a guy that wasn’t right for me—for 2 years. He wasn’t so abusive in the same way, but he had a temper and would hit things and I would get really depressed sometimes. And feel like I was going crazy. I also made the mistake of letting him move in too quickly. I think I just get swept off my feet way too quickly and get carried away. Obviously.
So the more I’ve dated the more I know what true love ISN’T. But not what it is. So I guess I’ll start there.
What True Love Isn’t:
1. Going off on your partner and slamming the table with one’s fist.
2. Pushing her and then denying it.
3. Forcing her to have sex with you.
4. Blaming her for anything and everything.
5. Telling her you can’t spend Friday night together because you need to play WOW for several hours but not telling her exactly how many hours so she sits and waits and after two hours is furious that it’s more.
6. Not paying for the check. Or offering and then rescinding.
7. Coming first.
8. Being sneaky and at the last minute getting out of using a condom because you know that she can’t think straight.
9. Not helping her move. So she hires two men and a truck and moves her stuff by herself for 3 hours before they come to save money and even takes apart her loft bed all by herself.
10. Stalking: Leaving creepy notes on windshields. Sitting in her section at her restaurant when you shouldn’t even know where she works.
11. Fucking her when she’s so tired she’s falling asleep during it.
12. Seducing her to have sex with you to get her back.
13. Leaving extremely long voicemails with words like cunt, whore, slut, and then saying you love her and want her back.
14. Going down on her while she’s driving to get her back.
15. Cheating: Cheating on her with someone else. Or cheating on someone else with her. Or making her cheat on her boyfriend with you.
16. Not moving out when she asks you to.
17. Stealing and keeping her business idea after you broke up because you can.
18. Initiating a relationship with a woman 29 years your junior when you’re married.
19. Getting her sucked into your drama.
20. A one-way caretaking relationship.
21. Letting your addiction turn you into a selfish being and putting your own needs first above all. (It can be anything, it can even be a seemingly positive thing, but if it controls you rather than the other way it around it’s an addiction.)
22. Going dutch.
I’d like to thank James Altucher for modeling writing freely and flowingly, and also cutting out every other sentence and the first and last paragraph, which I tried to do this time.
Questions: Do you think you know what true love is? Or isn’t? Care to share? I need help!