#FF!
You have until Sunday to take advantage of the fabulous $1 deal for the Manifesto for Young Asian Women eBook.
Here is what feminist activist and writer, Gloria Steinem says about it:
“In Manifesto for Young Asian Women, Shiuan Butler speaks out courageously about the hidden lives of girls in this country, whatever their background, I wish I’d had such a book when I was fifteen. I believe her experience and advice will be helpful for girls and young women for generations to come.”
Here is an excerpt from the book:
Dating
After I got out of my crazy, abusive relationship, Wendy (who had housed me when I finally moved out for the last time) told me this story: she arrived at her date’s apartment — it was their first date. He greeted her and then paused. Studying her he then took a scarf and put it around her neck. “There,” he said, “much better.” She relayed that story to me as one of her “red-flag signals.” That he needed to change something about her to meet his approval was a red-flag for her. As small and minor as that tiny action seemed to be, something just did not feel right. She did not want to go out with a guy who felt the need to correct something about her on their very first meeting. She wanted to be with someone who liked her for who she was, just as she was.
If he wanted to change something about her appearance today, what would he want to change down the road? Oftentimes when someone does not completely appreciate who you are and indeed, is not humble and grateful to have found you, then he likely will not treat you well down the road.
When she first told me that story, I thought she was crazy. I thought she was blowing it way out of proportion, and I wondered how a small thing like that could cause such alarm? What was the big deal? So he gave you a scarf. You should thank him — not freak out that he’s going to turn into some crazy abuser down the road.
But now after 3.5 years of serial dating, I have come to realize that what she said is absolutely on the mark. All of the little things a person does in the beginning are of the utmost importance. Sure, it’s generally true that in the beginning of any relationship most people are on their best behavior. But there are still telltale signs. They can’t act the whole time. They will slip up. And if there is something that you sense is off on the first or second date, don’t just brush it off. Does he make you feel uncomfortable in some way or show hints of arrogance then laughs it off? Do you feel demeaned, degraded, or somehow disrespected at times? Trust your instincts and keep in mind that if you glimpse something that doesn’t feel quite right, there is most likely more of that underneath the surface that he is saving for a later date.