Radical Ramblings by Shiuan Butler

Asian Female Athletes: Where Art Thou?

April 27th, 2012

Asian female athletes are truly revolutionaries fighting against sexism and capitalism that says they should be doing something that makes money (in a secure job) or cleaning or raising kids.

 

 

I know, I know, there are plenty of Asian female athletes out there — especially in Asia. A quick google search comes up with a chess player (huh?) , a poker player (I love poker— but again, not a sport), and other “sexy” and “hot” ice skaters. But what of Asian American female athletes? Please don’t tell me Michelle Kwan and Jeanette Lee (The Black Widow) in billiards (again, sigh). Even with a search for Asian women stand-up paddling I instead find a stock photo of SUP in Hawai`i (whoo hoo!) and guess who— yup, a blonde woman.

 

On a hopeful note: Brunei who has never sent a woman to the Olympics before is planning on sending Maziah Mahusin to the London Games—who runs the 400 and is a hurdler!

 

When I did search ‘women SUP’ a few days ago I found only white women athletes. Yes, all power to them, they are still my role models and I still envy their chutzpah and want to learn their training regimen. (I am now aiming to race a couple events this summer— yes stand-up paddling on the East Coast!) But where are my Asian female comrades? If you find anything, please let me know.

 

I was doing some thinking though about the whole idea of being a woman athlete and how it really goes completely opposite to what the oppression says of how women should be. That we should be good housewives and mothers and be productive or even be good activists and heads of nonprofits or something.* Especially as Asian women, we still get passed down the patterns from our ancestors from one generation to the next, that we should caretake others at the expense of ourselves (yes, strong, independent Asian women I know, we still carry this and fight daily to stave it off).

 

And what is being an athlete—or professional athlete—anyways? It’s being extremely selfish. What is the point of winning races or competing and not winning—you’re not cleaning and not raising any kids! And, you are using your body —not for cleaning or working or making money (unless you have rare moment of winning prize money) — but to mold your body into a strong, lean, machine. And for what? To feel good about yourself and your body! Who does that benefit? No one but yourself.

 

It’s all extremely revolutionary, completely against capitalism’s ends, and takes privilege (to have the time and money freedom) and determination and discipline to decide this is one’s goal for oneself. Training for a race or simply working out regularly is not just the physical aspect but also builds confidence that one can and gets to pursue one’s dream and will fight to achieve it, whether one ever gets it or not. It’s an exhilarating, liberating feeling and I am grateful and will keep fighting for.

 

P.S. One of my models is also Bethany Hamilton— you go!

 

*Activists perform hugely important jobs that are especially valuable and often thankless jobs. However, they can often be co-opted and our caretaking patterns can be used to the organization’s advantage as well for us to work more.

Why Do We Need Bras?

April 24th, 2012

 

Where I talk about the supposed necessity of bras and under-wire and loving our boobs, just the way they are.

 

 

I can still remember when I was a teenager living in Boston burbs, sweeping the car-park area next to the house with my dad. It got really hot and I suddenly wanted to take my shirt off. I thought, wow how unfair it is that he can have his shirt off and I can’t.

 

I guess part of me still feels like that to this day, though I’m much too embarrassed to even walk around with my bikini apparently (all my half-naked comfortableness has since worn off leaving Hawai`i). Never mind not being able to show our boobs in public—though men can show off their man-boobs NO problem— but even having my nipples show through my shirts simply kills me, I realized. When did this start?

 

I remember trying on my first (under-wire) bra when I was 11, I believe. I was ecstatic. Wearing this thing made my boobs look at least twice its size! This societally accepted and expected thing. Sure, I’d be glad to wear it! I didn’t really see the need at that point, but even at 11 I had some concept of being “sexier” with bigger boobs.

 

Now, 21 years later, I have a whole collection of under-wire bras. I only have a couple old elastic bras that aren’t really elastic anymore. I even have a “non-under-wire” bra from Victoria’s Secret but it’s so stiff and padded that it still feels bulky.

 

There have been a couple things that have caused this new desire in me to not wear thick, padded bras:

1. A new friend—who dances—doesn’t wear them and looks great in shirts that actually show what her chest really looks like. I thought to myself, wow, well that’s how I’d look too without this big, padded thing (which you know makes everyone look the same—as if all our boobs are supposed to look big and perky like Barbie’s) and she looks great! Sexy, simple, and secure in her own body.

2. All this stand-up paddling I’ve been doing lately. I feel stronger, taller, and more confident with my body afterwards. Somehow it also corresponds with the amount of clothing I wear and more specifically showing my body and the contours of it.

 

And why aren’t we supposed to show our nipples but guys can, anyways? If you can see my nipples through my shirt then that’s supposed to mean I’m a slut or I want to be raped or something? It’s preposterous.

 

l want to be able to walk around without a corset-like structure around my chest. I’d like to be able to breathe comfortably and deeply all day without restrictions or difficulty. I want to be proud of my boobs and the way they naturally look—without the conforming shape of extra padding and metal wires to make it look like everyone else’s—and my nipples too. I want to dress the way I want to dress—comfortably—without worrying about how others may judge me, or in spite of it.

 

I want to stand up tall, chest out, and breathe deep.

I want to be strong, loving my body, just the way it is.

 

My Hair

April 22nd, 2012

After doing some thorough spring cleaning I found this amongst my old writing (I’m away this weekend so I’m posting this in lieu of new writing):

My hair means a lot to me. After returning home from a trip this guy I been hanging out with said it looked a lot longer —fondling it like he was turned on just touching it. Kinda scary. I’m very conscious and intentional about what I do with my hair where and when. Like just now walking home in the dark I planned ahead and even though I wanted it loose on the train (my scalp needed a break) I knew I did not want it down, loose and flying free on my 3 minute walk to my apartment from the train station. It’s hard being a girl. And then I still got a comment. One of those — stop and step aside — “Oh – Whoa –.” Smile seductive and macho, “Hi gorgeous.” Like I’m going to stop and say hi to that.

Hair is very sexual. Muslims were right on that one. Actually I have no idea why they make their women wear hijabs (That’s what they are called right? I always get that and jihad mixed up – I’m a horrible activist). But hair — long hair — does carry a tremendous amount of power with it. It does. So you better know how to handle it and be prepared. Somehow men think the longer your hair is the more sexy (and fuckable) it makes you. Like it increases by every 2 inches or something.

Note: I welcome any thoughts from women on your hair too.

My New Love

April 20th, 2012

Yup, so my new love is SUP—or stand-up paddle board or stand-up paddling. I’ve been out twice now this week and it’s apparently left me beaming the whole rest of the week too. This morning went out to Jersey and the calm marina was a joy to paddle around. Spotted some weird boat names like—Charmer, April Fool, and Justice. Tried to catch some river waves and didn’t get run over by any sailboats, steamers or Circleline tourist boat. I almost forget I’m in New York City for a while while I’m out there.

 

Having a great paddling companion helps too of course! Psyched to get ready for the 4.5 miler SEA (Surfers’ Environmental Alliance) race. My buddy is doing the regular 26.5 miler, but I couldn’t be more excited.

 

Was actually kinda shy to talk about this at first. God knows why when I talk about practically every other private thing. I guess it’s the peacefulness of it, the way it feeds my soul — I almost feel I could be back in Hawai`i, just ignore the floating trash drifting by. (Today we even found a dead beautiful little green/yellow bird, wrapped up in cloth in a little brown box!) I guess I feel kinda silly trying to explain how it means so much to me to others. Seems like just a cool, fun sport when it really feels like I’m on top of the world with it and always thinking about it when I’m not. I feel stronger after and even feel more “in my body” if that makes sense. And I think, especially as women, that is really important and sometimes often lacking.

Shiuan’s Guide to Online Dating (for Women)

April 18th, 2012

My top 5 rules for online dating:

1. Don’t chase.
2. Don’t give up your power.
3. Don’t drink.
4. Get out from behind the computer.
5. Don’t trust.

 

Recently I spoke with a girlfriend about how dating now is so different from let’s say 15 years ago. Dating is different, and online dating brings with it a whole new set of challenges and a whole ‘nother game unfortunately. But if you learn how to play it right, you might just beat ‘em at their own game.

 

Here are my top rules for online dating—for women:

 

1. Never Chase the Guy

You don’t want to be the one chasing the guy. If he likes you enough— and if he’s smart he’ll realize how awesome you are—he should be chasing you. Do not use the excuse, oh maybe he’s just shy and I should help him out— No. Do you want to date a guy who doesn’t even have enough confidence or guts to pursue someone he likes? We’re not in middle school anymore. If he can’t go for what he wants, then you don’t want him. At least, I don’t.

 

2. Never Give the Guy the Power

How do I explain this? You don’t want to be giving him the upper hand. Ever. Because once he sees that you are desperate or clingy or will always hang out with him, immediately, whenever he asks you to then he has all the power. I.e. you have none. It’s a bit strange for us women to think of dating in this harsh, power-dynamic way. But you must learn to see it this way because this is how most men see it. In my experience. If you meet a guy who doesn’t then great. But as I always say, dating is a numbers game and you will need to date 50 men to find one decent one. So those 49 will be doing all sorts of stupid, sneaky things that you will want to be on the defense on. It’s like playing basketball—have good defense. I’m not saying you need to play games with them. I am almost always honest when dating strangers. However, you need to remember they are strangers until you can be sure that they are trustworthy. And to show you they are trustworthy they need to prove it. Meanwhile you need to date with a protective bubble around you and take everything they say with a grain of salt. If it’s a compliment—be suspicious, if it’s an insult—walk away immediately. If they criticize you so early on in the relationship, what might they do later?

 

3. Meet For Tea or Coffee During the Day (Not a Dark Bar for Drinks at Night)

Wish I had taken this advice long ago. You will be more lucid, see more clearly (in more ways than one), and this way you can get out quickly if you need to. Do you really want to meet a male stranger who’s trying to get in your pants while under the influence of alcohol?

 

4. Don’t Waste A Lot of Time Messaging Back and Forth

This is one of the top mistakes that people make in online dating— women and men. You can never really assess someone until you meet them in person. I rely on my ability to always sense people’s energy, that is very important to me. Aura or not, you get so much more meeting in person (facial expressions, body language) than online. Lies can be kept much longer in an online relationship than IRL (in real life). Trust me.

 

5. Always Assume They Want to Sleep with You— For That Matter Always Assume It’s All Lies Until Proven True

Even if they say they’re just looking for friends first. Even if they say they really are single. Even if they don’t tell you about their kids. You really need to assume everything coming out of his mouth “could” be lies until they’re proven to be true. Of course, proven is subjective and debatable but photos, friends of friends, googling, facebook, it all helps. If he lied about his height, lied about his single status, lied about his kids— don’t be too shocked. Sure, we’re all surprised when this does happen to us (if you’re a woman, it’s happened to you) but what I’m saying is we really shouldn’t be. We shouldn’t be expecting the whole male race to be low, skeevy, liars either. But  we should assume that finding a decent, truly honest person and someone who’s deserving of our friendship, and whom we have fun with is hard to find. Because they are.

 

Happy dating!

Radical Ramblings by Shiuan Butler