Tag Archives: blow jobs

Top Ten Most Embarrassing Things I Will Probably Regret Revealing

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I asked popular blogger and successful entrepreneur, James Altucher, if he ever regretted things he revealed online. He said he regretted most everything. But “if you didn’t reveal about yourself – if you just ranted your opinion without sharing real intimacy then you are back in the “99%”, the people who are afraid to create, to innovate, to help, to stand out, to love others enough to give something that’s hard to give away.” So here’s to giving away.

 

My Top Ten Most Embarrassing Things I Will Probably Regret Revealing:

 

1. I now have a thing for much older men. “That’s not too old.” my girlfriend told me today. Thank you, C—. But 25 years older is pretty old.

It all started with a recent new friend. We have been intimate sexually though that is not what our relationship is based on. There is a lot of trust established by now because we have talked about most everything. But we are also peers intellectually and I really enjoy our conversations and his suggestions. But somehow it has also installed this new sense of hope pinned onto older men. I can’t say attraction because it’s not the usual kind of physical attraction. But it’s this immediate hope and wondering if ‘this’ older guy—whoever it is—could be ‘the one.’ It’s all very new and disorienting.

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Deep throating is about domination–not sex

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Where I differentiate between loving sex and violent, dominant sex.

 

While we are on the topic of blow jobs I might as well talk a little more about deep throating. Not my favorite topic—and one I was relatively new to until recently—but an important topic certainly.

 

Deep throating is when the guy sticks his penis deep into (usually) a girl’s throat. (I like urban dictionary’s definition #4.) Makes me shiver just thinking about it. It is very common in porn. And as with a lot of perpetuated myths in porn it is seen as an extremely desired sex act and thus something women watch and try to imitate themselves. However, it is actually really about dominance and power than about truly being turned on.

 

At the recent Babeland ‘Art of the Blow Job’ workshop they talked about deep throating. They even explained some tips for how best to do it if you wanted to. (When you’re standing straight your throat is in a natural L shape. If you tilt your head back it makes your throat into a straight line and thus less likely to gag on it. You can do it lying down on a bed with your head hanging over the edge. Great.) They also explained that some women come into the shop asking for ‘numbing chemical sprays’ to specifically suppress our natural gag reflex and that they do not carry it nor recommend using it. It can be very dangerous to suppress our natural body’s function to protect oneself and extremely harmful. You can really hurt yourself if you turn off this natural self-protective reflex.

 

They also explained that since the head of the penis is the most sensitive part, then it really doesn’t make a big difference if you have the rest of the shaft in your mouth/throat as well. Which is why porn can be and is so dangerous for young men and women in spreading inaccurate and sexist messages that equates sex with domination and that to be truly manly and really sexual you must do these violent and dominant acts that really have nothing to do with love or connecting with the other person but about power and male domination.

 

Sex—whether it’s intercourse, blow jobs, etc—is not simply about pleasing the other person. Sex can be a beautiful way to connect between two people that’s fun, exhilarating and brings them even closer. It has nothing to do with violence or domination or power. Those messages are spread by the porn industry and by society to take advantage of people’s hurts and distress/behavioral patterns around closeness and feeling lonely to make money off of.

 

*Thanks also to the ex-BF for confirming and discussing this since my porn-watching experience is so limited.

 

More blow job tips than you could ever want

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More blow job techniques because that’s what you want on your Wednesday lunch break, right?

 

So, going against the usual feminist in me that a man should be pleasing his woman more than we should be on our knees—here are more blow job tips than you’ll ever need, as promised (try not to cringe too much):

 

1. Lollipop (which goes well with Pump up the Jam)

Suck the head of the penis so it’s like a suction and then pop it out of your mouth (like a lollipop). It may make a ‘pop’ sound. This goes well with Pump up the Jam which is simply rubbing up and down the shaft.

2. Invisible Swirl

Put your mouth on the penis and then swirl your tongue around. (pretty instinctive, no?)

3. Harmonica

Put your lips on the penis—like a harmonica—and move up and down the shaft. Simple and easy.

4. Figure 8

Make a figure 8 with your tongue from the frenulum (the little piece of skin where the head meets the shaft, almost like webbing) down the shaft and up.

5. The Twist

Put your mouth on the head of the penis and twist back and forth. This works well with the Firestarter.

 

Basically anything involving twisting and up and down motions with your mouth and lips or tongue and hands, I’m pretty sure he’ll love it. Oh, and no teeth. Unless he likes that sort of thing. In which case you’ll want to talk about it beforehand and double-check. Right.

 

For the women:

Make sure you are in positions comfortable for you to maintain. You can put a cushion under his hips to raise them or under your knees if you’re kneeling. You can brace your hands on his hips and use that as leverage. Most importantly, have fun! If you’re not enjoying it then don’t torture yourself—change it up. There’s always a way to make sure both parties are having fun.

 

Next: ‘Tips for Men on Oral Sex for Women!’