I don’t actually do casual sex anymore, but then again this might be the very time to dole out my suggestions. Here are my top five rules when engaging in casual sex:
1. DON’T do it if one of you is in love with the other
I have a friend who was still sleeping with his ex whom he had broken up with just a month or so prior. That certainly was not enough time for her to get over him. So essentially he was taking advantage of that fact so he could still get his without the commitment. If you have a moral compass, then you shouldn’t have casual sex with someone whom you know is in love with you. No if’s, and’s, or but’s. And if it’s the other way around, well then be aware that you may be putting your heart out on the line. I understand that you love him so much that you’re willing to take the risk. But when you do get hurt–again–you really can’t be surprised.
2. DON’T do it if you don’t enjoy it
This doesn’t seem to need to bear repeating, and yet, with the amount of unsatisfying casual sex that I know I’ve had, I’m sure I’m not the only one. If you have sex with a guy once and decide that’s definitely the last time, that’s fine. You wanted to try and you did. It was bad and you moved on. However, if it was so-so, do not go back to him. Just say no! You are not that lonely or desperate. Instead, cuddle up with your favorite sex toy, some music, or literotica and call it a night. If you have a hard time not picking up when that booty call calls just remember that disgusted feeling you had in your gut after you fucked him the last time–that may help.
3. DO it if you both want something casual
Once again, a seemingly obvious rule. This may be Friends-With-Benefits or just casual dating but it’s good to establish with the other person you are not looking for anything serious before you start sleeping together. Usually people don’t and this is an easy way for people to get hurt. Communicating clearly beforehand is an easy fix. Oftentimes people feel uncomfortable and are not sure how to bring it up. Usually after kissing and before falling asleep I’ll say something like, “Also, just wanted you to know, I’m not really looking for anything serious right now… Hope that’s OK.” That usually does the trick. They get the hint. And they can drop you if they are or keep you if they’re not. But at least, you were upfront and they knew what they were getting into.
4. DON’T do it to keep him or for any other reason because you want to
Please don’t have casual sex for any other reason than because you’re interested in trying out sex with this person or because you enjoy it. Because if you hope that by doing it you might raise his interest level or treasure you more or keep you around then you have another thought coming. He won’t. Or maybe he will for the short term but dangling sex over him as a trade offering definitely won’t cultivate his respect for you.
5. DO it if you know you will respect yourself in the morning.
Figuring out how to make casual sex work for you, a single woman, even in this day and age, is not easy. The cards already aren’t set up for you. You will most likely be labeled a slut if others find out. And maybe you care and maybe you really don’t. The most important thing is that deep down you still respect yourself in the morning. Whether it’s a one-night stand or a 4th booty call with a recent acquaintance it’s best to always keep in mind what your priorities and goals are. Do you just want to have fun right now? Or you only want to satisfy your horniness? Or you’ve been in love with him since the 5th grade and he’s finally giving you some attention? Whatever it is, honesty with yourself and ideally with the other person is the surest route to happiness.
Check out my other article on casual dating here.