Where I remember all the good in our relationship while trying to hold on to what I want.
For the longest time, while I was single and dating in New York (City) when people asked me if I had a boyfriend, that was my response— I don’t “do” boyfriends. I thought I was very cool and it was mostly true. My heart was still shredded from the last abusive boyfriend and though I was looking to have fun, I was still being very protective of myself and basically kept getting involved in short-lived affairs (not real affairs) that I knew deep-down wouldn’t go anywhere.
When the BF and I first got together a year and a half ago we were in honeymoon bliss. After our first coffee meeting to discuss ideas for my company, I asked him for some moving help. He agreed to help me pick up craigslist furniture from different parts of the city for my new empty apartment. He was such a good sport about it all — even putting together my huge bed frame all by himself while I ran out to class — and even came back the next day with cut up fruit in tupperware, where he found me semi-unconscious in my 100 degree, 5th floor apartment. (That day he helped me drag home a new A/C.)
It all started out so hunky-dory as they all do. I didn’t see his temper flare-up until the first time at his parents’. And the sex issues also came months later. But as a break from focusing on all the bad, and considering today is also our 1 year and 9 month anniversary, I decided to list some of the good (and cheesy — which as I talk about in my ebook is very good):
The Good and Cheesy:
1. We have kept a journal chronicling our relationship and memories, filled with tickets and memorabilia, since almost the very beginning. We keep it by our bedside tables and take turns writing entries back and forth. (There’s even an entry from the first time I asked him to leave and he wrote a tear-jerking letter about things to keep in mind after we’re broken up.)
2. We take 95% of our showers together. We have this showerhead that is not at the end of the bathtub as are most shower heads but in the middle. Thus making it somewhat easier to take showers with two people — still less convenient but he lets me hog the water most of the time.
3. He washes my mouthguard daily. Yes, seems oh so minor and gross but it’s now become a ritual that I take for granted.
4. We generally watch movies and TV shows that I want to watch. (One time I agreed to finally watch something he liked. We ended up watching WWE which I could only stand for half an hour until the violence was too much. Then we had a fight about it, but I digress.)
5. We do most things together. And now that we’re working on the company we work together, run errands and buy groceries together.
6. Oftentimes when one person is cooking or doing the dishes the other person will sit in the kitchen to keep the other person company.
7. There have been several times when I’ve woken up in the middle of the night — either due to a nightmare or food poisoning — and woke him up and he held me while letting me talk and cry.
8. He takes me out and spends money on me that he doesn’t necessarily have.
9. I’ll sit on the edge of the bathtub while he’s poo-ing on the toilet and we’ll discuss work-things or our day.
10. He doesn’t want to give up on this relationship though we’ve been having more and more fights. He doesn’t want to let it go.
So we got into another fight in the middle of writing this blog post. He’s talked about having a ‘break’ and seeing other people. I don’t want to date other people I just want to have some space from each other so we can hopefully get some ‘perspective’ and ‘clarity’ on things and figure out how we really feel and what we want. I just know I felt so calm and peaceful when I had last weekend to myself. I did lots of yoga and read Tony Hsieh’s book on Zappos and just enjoyed being in the apartment by myself. It’s just really hard for me to ask him to give me space and stay my ground when he doesn’t want to.