I was in the line at Macy’s yesterday and the man getting helped in front of me turned around and said, “The wife sent me on errands today. I have to go get a purse for her next. Something ox-blood color at Michael Kors.” He wears a smile. He’s stepped back a couple of feet and is half-facing me a few feet away instead of being hunched over at the register where he was before. He’s a 6’4 brunette with black, horn-rimmed glasses, and a fashionable Mr. Rogers’ sweater. I smile back and say, “Well, she must trust you right?” Then I remember that New Yorkers aren’t actually friendly for no reason and why is this married man paying so much attention to me? I realize he is posing, leaning on the clothes rack next to me, instead of standing in front with his back to me. I decide I’m not going to have any eye contact or initiate any conversation. I mean he looked all of 37 for god’s sakes and he’s already tired of his marriage and feels the need to flirt??

A few years ago I went on a date with a handsome middle-aged Chinese doctor (too bad I don’t remember his name too—Ho or something) and it wasn’t until we were half hour into our coffee date that he tells me that he has a wife and three young kids at home. “You still live with them?” I sputtered. Because I was insanely giving him the benefit of the doubt, secretly thinking maybe he’s separated or something. (Which I’d like to add is a typical female phenomenon, given when someone does something truly outrageous, rude or just plain unforgivable and we really need to stop.) Yes, he said. “So why did you go on a date with me then?” It’s just coffee, was his reply. With a smile. As if lies and pretense, and gross flirting— when you have a wife at home— are much better delivered with a smile.

But I really don’t want to talk about cheating and married men because those can and do fill novels and movies and self-help books and dating websites, and I’d rather focus on women and what we want. Just like the Sex and the City episode where Miranda, finally fed up with all of her girlfriends endlessly and unawarely complaining about their men, walks out. Let’s talk about ourselves and what we want for once.

Continue reading →