Tag Archives: marriage

Thoughts on Marriage, Money, and the Life Deferment Plan

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Thoughts on Marriage

After my recent experiences with some couples and conversations lately I have come up with a new marriage policy. I propose that all marriages last for a maximum of 5 years at which time the two people can decide to ‘renew’ it and/or let it lapse and essentially not be married anymore, but not necessarily need a divorce either to not be married.

 

Since so many people change over the years and there is such a high rate of divorce: 50% of first-time marriages in U.S. end in divorce (it’s higher for 2nd and 3rd time marriages), as compared to 1% in India. And before you say, “Oh that’s India and they’re like arranged and Asian and traditional” it’s actually 1% as of 2010 in the UK too. It’s also interesting to note at what age the couples got married who end up getting divorced— the highest rate was for women and men who married between the ages of 20-24 (~37%), while the lowest divorce rate was for men and women ages 35-39 (~6%).

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I want to know what you do to me

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Where I ponder the movie, Take This Waltz, and if we ultimately tire of anyone we’re stuck with for a long time?

 

Watched this interesting movie, Take This Waltz recently. Really enjoyed the trailer. Thought the movie was pretty enjoyable, good acting, though at the end I wasn’t exactly sure what the screenwriter or director wanted us to take from it. The main couple, played by Michelle Williams and Seth Rogen, are young and married. However, Margot (Williams) discovers she also has a kind of immediate, electric connection with the cute neighbor, Daniel, played by Luke Kirby.

 

There were lots of great conversations, great writing. Here’s some I liked:

[after their first kiss]

Margot: I want—

Daniel: You want…

Margot: I want to know what you do to me.
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China’s young, successful, and single women say fuck you to marriage

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Do young, single Chinese women really feel the pressure to marry? Or are many of them subtly saying no to the sexist pressures of marrying just because?

 

 

Recently, there was an online article in The Raw Story about the pressures of single women in China to marry by the age of 27. Apparently the majority of men feel if you’re over 30 then you’re too old. “Men don’t want a woman over 30. It’s important for them that she’s still pretty,” says a 26 year-old woman who is trying out a singles club—Garden of Joy (really?)— where they help pair you up with activities such as billiards or speed dating.

 

However, explains Wu Di, a sociologist who has just published a book on the subject, “Traditionally the Chinese say one should ‘make do’ when marrying. Marriage has never been synonymous with happiness. The new generation of women don’t want to ‘make do’. Many live quite well alone and don’t see the point in lowering their standard or life in order to marry.”
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Racism in a jar— because your vagina deserves it

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Racist and sexist products only succeed if we believe we’re ugly. Don’t listen to the lies. Just say no to hurting our beloved bodies!

 

Last week Al Jazeera posted an article on a new commercial in India advertising whitening creams. And no, it’s not for your face— it’s for your vagina! Because your partner will only love you if your private parts are a different color… WTF. The commercial features a husband ignoring his wife until after she does the vaginal wash and then he swings her in his arms. Just what I always wanted— a racist, superficial, louse of a husband. Let me go out and buy it now!!
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Why do people ‘settle’ when they settle down?

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Where I ponder what I want in my life, including trying things that I haven’t tried yet and being open to new possibilities.

 

I had a really nice catching up dinner tonight with a semi-new girlfriend. We actually only met briefly once last summer at a women’s networking event. It was really fun talking even briefly then. But somehow I have a hard time pursuing people (whether it’s people I ‘like’ or just new friends) and don’t want to be ‘bothering’ them. Luckily she expressed interest in meeting up and we finally did and it was so great! We talked for almost 3 hrs!! Non-stop. Yay for new girlfriends!

 

So it was extra fun —for me anyways— because I got to talk about stuff that I usually don’t get to with other Asian girlfriends. Like I told her tonight I know I’m kinda ‘out there’ compared to most other Asian girls and so there’s not many Asian women that I can share this stuff with. Basically we talked about our life dreams, whether to settle down and get married or not, what is the purpose of getting married in the first place, and all our friends that are getting married and some who have even confessed that they are knowingly settling. Continue reading →