Recently, I was the only woman in a group setting. I left the conversation frustrated and unsatisfied. I thought, here I’m supposed to be a feminist, but I didn’t speak up at all. Here are my top do’s and don’ts for how to talk with men the next time you’re in a majority male group setting:
Top Five Don’ts When You’re in a Majority Male Group:
1. Don’t be shy. Men want to hear a woman’s opinion. They may not be probing or encouraging, but rest assured they want to hear what you have to say. Keep that in mind and keep talking.
2. Don’t be modest. Brag. Loads. This is what men do, so you should get used to it too. You will feel like you are being too self-aggrandizing, but you’re not. This is their norm. Get used to it.
Where I talk about the crazy idea of men and women being open and honest with each other instead of playing games.
So I haven’t been dating much since the break up. I mean gees it was only 4 months ago and it was quite an emotional post-breakup (not at first but after a seemingly great 3 month time it all went to shit).
Then there was other drama with other people that I’m not presently at liberty to go into. But trust me it was not pleasant and filled with plenty of care taking on my part and also getting swallowed up by other people’s drama that I unnecessarily got myself into because I foolishly thought I could handle it. And then finally extricating myself before too late but not before the hives!
What is addiction? It’s a crutch we lean on to escape from our bad feelings temporarily, to feel either superficially happy or to numb out altogether or both.
I don’t have the ‘usual’ addictions of: alcohol, drugs, prescription drugs, shrooms, pot, cigarettes, or caffeine. My body is much too sensitive for me to really ‘enjoy’ them and I’ve always been much too paranoid about getting raped and/or otherwise sexually assaulted to try other brain-altering substances in public. Or in private.
However, I do have one major addiction that still overwhelms me— MEN. I can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em.
Where I talk about why I love getting attention from men and how to instead start loving myself and my life.
I really like attention from men. Sure, you’ll hear me complain up and down about the torments of daily street harassment, but that doesn’t change the fact that I relish having admirers. It’s kind of embarrassing and not something I go around bragging about, but it’s true and I try to face uncomfortable truths here.
What I Love About Getting Attention From Men:
1. It’s like a high. It sends me reeling into la-la land where I can forget that I’m really lonely and feeling unloved inside.
2. I feel like they really love me— instead of just wanting to sleep with me. For a moment, I forget. I’m happy to forget.
Where I talk about the relationships between men and women and how we figure out what we want the relationship to look like and how to build it..
This weekend I’m at a counseling workshop with a lot of Asians. It’s been going quite well, especially since I feel I’m just starting to get in the groove today. One big thing we’ve been talking about is closeness with others and what kind of a relationship would we ideally want with someone if we could really have it how we wanted?
Well, first of all, what does society offer as options? Essentially, we are given the messages that we can either be friendly or desperately and urgently sexual. Not a lot of options. Nor a range. Just two boxes. For all of humankind. Not very rational either.