Tag Archives: power

Money, Power, and Sex, Oh My!

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Photo is of an awesome burlesque show with women experimenting with power, sexuality, and their bodies.

 

Why am I not a gold-digger? That is a question I have asked myself several times of late. The ex suggested I should have, instead of always performing ‘community service’ as he called it. If I was going to have sexual relations with men ‘beneath me,’ at least I should receive some financial reward from it.

 

Money

I grew up with no understanding of the value of money at all. I didn’t know if a few bucks for grapes was expensive or cheap. I never understood how to figure out my monthly expenses until I was much too old (after college) and an older friend luckily taught me. All I knew was the answer my mom had for everything— ‘It’s too expensive.’ Everything was too expensive. Going out to eat was extremely rare. Going to a movie theater was rarer. You’re thirsty? Wait til we get home. And yet I was supposed to fit into a middle class white suburban high school with spoiled rich kids. My mom tried to bribe me when I was off to college that she would save up tuition money for me for later if I lived at home while going to school. Perish the thought, I thought. Freedom was all I cared about. Who cared about the money?

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You Fucking Got This!

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My cheerleader letter to self for this morning’s race:

 

Dear self,

This morning you will be embracing a new, terrifying challenge that you’ve never tried before. A 7-miler stand-up paddling race. Considering you have just started stand-up paddling really this spring (and only a couple of times before that) and have noticed significant improvement in paddling and in your strength recently, this is a huge accomplishment! No matter your jitters, your fears, your fear of failing, of disappointing your coach, disappointing yourself — you get to be so, so proud no matter what. Even as Larry said, you can just go ashore if you’re too pooped to finish. I know you would never do such a thing. But you could. And you could still be so proud of yourself.

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Zhang Ziyi can have sex and get paid from whomever she wants

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Women are demonized for being sexual and unpristine, again…

 

So there were some rumors flying around last month about Zhang Ziyi, the popular Chinese actress from Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, allegedly sleeping with Chinese Communist party official, Bo Xilai— who was also involved with allegations of murder— and getting paid $15M for it. So the rumor goes, first she supposedly slept with Xu Ming (but why?), Bo’s financier, and then was pimped onto Bo with a higher markup rate. It all seems to make no rational sense and Zhang Ziyi has filed a lawsuit for defamation: “Whatever the cost, I will seek legal recourse and pursue this matter to the very end.” She also said she was hurt that her fans hadn’t rejected the reports out of hand.

 

One the one hand it infuriated me that judging women’s sex lives are still considered OK to be part of public debate. Meanwhile, public men like Dominique Strauss-Kahn is not only sleeping around but connected to heading prostitution rings and still maintain a high status (tho his wife recently leaving him was so satisfying) and he did lose his shot at becoming President of France after charges of raping a hotel maid.

 

If Zhang Ziyi gets her rocks off by sleeping with gross older men for money she should not be judged for that. She has plenty of money and so it’s not really about the money. I think it would be more of an issue of why does sleeping with ‘gross older men with no integrity’ gets her off than an issue of accepting money for sex. Some adult women do get turned on or feel powerful by pleasuring men—whether it’s massages or strip/pole dancing. Meanwhile it’s always the female sex worker that is demonized instead of the johns (men paying for sex) anyways. Did you know most ‘prostitutes’ enter the life at 12-14 years old on average? But I digress.

 

Point being that adult females are constantly judged by having or enjoying sex or having power around sex. Meanwhile that’s why movies like ‘Magic Mike’ have women going crazy because we are so rarely allowed to be lustful and show our desires that just showing us some naked abs are enough to set most women off. Let’s have the next one be written by a woman leading an open sexual lifestyle and then see where it goes..

Shiuan’s Guide to Online Dating (for Women)

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My top 5 rules for online dating:

1. Don’t chase.
2. Don’t give up your power.
3. Don’t drink.
4. Get out from behind the computer.
5. Don’t trust.

 

Recently I spoke with a girlfriend about how dating now is so different from let’s say 15 years ago. Dating is different, and online dating brings with it a whole new set of challenges and a whole ‘nother game unfortunately. But if you learn how to play it right, you might just beat ‘em at their own game.

 

Here are my top rules for online dating—for women:

 

1. Never Chase the Guy

You don’t want to be the one chasing the guy. If he likes you enough— and if he’s smart he’ll realize how awesome you are—he should be chasing you. Do not use the excuse, oh maybe he’s just shy and I should help him out— No. Do you want to date a guy who doesn’t even have enough confidence or guts to pursue someone he likes? We’re not in middle school anymore. If he can’t go for what he wants, then you don’t want him. At least, I don’t.

 

2. Never Give the Guy the Power

How do I explain this? You don’t want to be giving him the upper hand. Ever. Because once he sees that you are desperate or clingy or will always hang out with him, immediately, whenever he asks you to then he has all the power. I.e. you have none. It’s a bit strange for us women to think of dating in this harsh, power-dynamic way. But you must learn to see it this way because this is how most men see it. In my experience. If you meet a guy who doesn’t then great. But as I always say, dating is a numbers game and you will need to date 50 men to find one decent one. So those 49 will be doing all sorts of stupid, sneaky things that you will want to be on the defense on. It’s like playing basketball—have good defense. I’m not saying you need to play games with them. I am almost always honest when dating strangers. However, you need to remember they are strangers until you can be sure that they are trustworthy. And to show you they are trustworthy they need to prove it. Meanwhile you need to date with a protective bubble around you and take everything they say with a grain of salt. If it’s a compliment—be suspicious, if it’s an insult—walk away immediately. If they criticize you so early on in the relationship, what might they do later?

 

3. Meet For Tea or Coffee During the Day (Not a Dark Bar for Drinks at Night)

Wish I had taken this advice long ago. You will be more lucid, see more clearly (in more ways than one), and this way you can get out quickly if you need to. Do you really want to meet a male stranger who’s trying to get in your pants while under the influence of alcohol?

 

4. Don’t Waste A Lot of Time Messaging Back and Forth

This is one of the top mistakes that people make in online dating— women and men. You can never really assess someone until you meet them in person. I rely on my ability to always sense people’s energy, that is very important to me. Aura or not, you get so much more meeting in person (facial expressions, body language) than online. Lies can be kept much longer in an online relationship than IRL (in real life). Trust me.

 

5. Always Assume They Want to Sleep with You— For That Matter Always Assume It’s All Lies Until Proven True

Even if they say they’re just looking for friends first. Even if they say they really are single. Even if they don’t tell you about their kids. You really need to assume everything coming out of his mouth “could” be lies until they’re proven to be true. Of course, proven is subjective and debatable but photos, friends of friends, googling, facebook, it all helps. If he lied about his height, lied about his single status, lied about his kids— don’t be too shocked. Sure, we’re all surprised when this does happen to us (if you’re a woman, it’s happened to you) but what I’m saying is we really shouldn’t be. We shouldn’t be expecting the whole male race to be low, skeevy, liars either. But  we should assume that finding a decent, truly honest person and someone who’s deserving of our friendship, and whom we have fun with is hard to find. Because they are.

 

Happy dating!